Pretty funny.Originally Posted by Mercy_Fallout
Death before Dishonor
Pretty funny.
Administrator
An office manager has the difficult task of laying off Jack or Jill, he can't decide which one should go.
He decides to sack the one who takes their morning break first, but neither have a break opting to work through.
He then comes up with the idea of sacking the one who takes the longest lunch break, but both eat at their desk whilst working.
So he decides the one to leave work first will be the one he sacks. But they both put in overtime to finish an important job.
Finally, Jill gets up to leave. She puts on her coat, the manager seizes his chance.
"Sorry to do this Jill, but I'm going to have to lay you or Jack Off." he said. "well you'd better Jack off" she replied, "I've got a bus to catch."
Rank of Master achieved
Sounds like the types of joke that spread around in the middle schools. Corny, yet somewhat funny.
Administrator
Two guys in a pub discussing football. The first comments that every time Beckham scores, he drinks a pint of Becks. The second guy retaliates with every time Smith scores, he drinks a pint of Smiths.
They both agreed however, that it was a good job that Seaman was just a goalie.
Death before Dishonor
Two guys in a pub discussing football. The first comments that every time Beckham scores, he drinks a pint of Becks. The second guy retaliates with every time Smith scores, he drinks a pint of Smiths.
They both agreed however, that it was a good job that Seaman was just a goalie.Haha.
Rank of Master achieved
Wow, just wow.
Two guys in a pub discussing football. The first comments that every time Beckham scores, he drinks a pint of Becks. The second guy retaliates with every time Smith scores, he drinks a pint of Smiths.
They both agreed however, that it was a good job that Seaman was just a goalie.
@ES co-developer
How do you make a cat go Woof?
pour gas on it and throw a match!
How do you make a dog go meow?
Freeze it and run it through a band-saw!
Why does Prince Charles have a blue penis?
Cause he was always dipping it in Di!
Last edited by DarkSamus; 17th-March-2008 at 22:16.
RAWR!
WIN.
Damn. I leave the joke thread for a few pages of posts and it goes to hellReally tho very funny quoted joke up top.
Cookie Thief
How do you make a Hormone?
Spoiler warning:
The Spork of Deadlyness
A buss full of christians crashes one day killing everyone. Being all good christian people the get up to heaven together. Soon after arriving they are greeted by st peter. He welcomes them all to heaven and offers to show them around. While the travel through the many wonderous areas of heaven they are all getting quite excited it was exactly as they expected. As they approach the ridge of a hill, st peter stops them and says "There are no rules in heaven you do not already follow except this one: If you pass through this field you must be ABSOLUTELY silent." They all agree that its a rather followable rule in order to stay in heaven, and start over the ridge. As they reach the top they start to see a HUGE solid black building with no windows or doors. The walls stretch further then you can imagine and there is no top in sight. Once they get over the next ridge and are free to speak once more, one asks st peter "What was that thing?" To which he replies "Oh, thats where we keep the jahovas witnesses, they think they are the only ones here"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny gets into trouble one day at school and is sent home early. when he gets home, he hears strange noises coming from his parents room. He goes upstairs and opens their door to find his dad fucking his mom like theres no tomorrow. They notice him, and as they are scrambling to cover themselves Johnny runs down the hall. Once he is dressed again Johnny's dad decides he should go talk to his son about what he just witnessed, but he can't find him anywhere. Just then he hears some strange noises coming from the spare bedroom down the hall, so he goes to investigate. He opens the door to find little Johnny doing his grandma doggy-style. His dad looses it "JOHNNY! WHAT IN THE SAM HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!" Johnny grins "Not so funny when its your mom is it?"
Cyber Husky!
ALWAYS ASK, NEVER ASSUME!!
His request approved, the CNN News photographer
quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport
to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting
for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming
up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door
shut, and shouted, 'Let's go.'
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind
and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the
pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low
passes so I can take pictures of the fires
on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' ,
he responded, 'and I need to get
some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment.
Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me,
is ...... You're NOT my flight instructor?'
"Life is short. Drink the good Booze first"
French Court Jester
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation.
"I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking Goofy!"
Cyber Husky!
Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God...
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"
Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?"
God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" God said, "I'm going to leave that up to you." Bill said, "OK, then, let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell.
It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God, "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!" "Fine," said God and off they went.
Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmm, I think I prefer Hell" he told God. "Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going, Bill?" God asked.
Bill responded - his voice full of anguish and disappointment, "This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can't believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?"
God says, "That was the screen saver".
French Court Jester
ROFL that one is good I like that Kouen. I'm gonna follow that one up with another Microsoft joke!
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer from Microsoft were driving through the desert when the car broke down.
The mechanical engineer said: "It seems to be a problem with the fuel injection system, why don't we pop the hood and I'll take a look at it?" To which the electrical engineer replied, "No, I think it's just a loose ground wire, I'll get out and take a look."
Then the software engineer from Microsoft jumps in. "No, no, no. If we just close up all the windows, get out, wait a few minutes, get back in, and then reopen the windows everything will work fine."
Making things sück less
A little late for valentines jokes, but whatev.
Roses are Red
Violets are blue
if you don't consent
I'll just fucking rape you.
When I want your opinion, I will diffuse it from you through osmosis!
Posting Permissions
knowitman|
